My phone rings. It's You. I didn't talk the whole day with a person. Alone, but still in a colourful crowd in my mind. The effort to repress the sadness is drawing my energy and makes my mind sing loud.
- Hello!?... It's me, P.
The moment where I felt the loneliness spread among the telephone line... But on the other hand, my heart sends this sparks of fire glowing in my eyes. You made my aura shining. The sound of a lighter and the first smoke you take gives me the space to start the conversation with a shy greeting.
- Hey!
All-day long with my nose among the books. Living the life of this amazing, brave heroine fighting through hundreds of pages. I managed to get lost in time and space.
- Sorry, P, need a few seconds to get my voice volume back.
I noticed that I am for the first time today opening my mouth. Hm, but I wasn't silent. My mind is telling stories to my soul. Does he want to hear them? Should I share my dreams with him?
- No worries V. I just wanted to hear somebody breath at least today. Had a really full day, full in an emotional way. Uuuuu, but I bought the canoe finally! Now, if you visit me we can try it out at the Danube river.
You could talk and talk about your plans, our plans? Like the subtle way of involving the "us" in your future. Apparently, I'm not listening actively, furthermore, I'm analysing the most cheesy moments and develop in my head the "sweetest scenarios". But who can take this mysterious, blond boy on the other side for granted? Me for sure not. Where were we... Ah, yes canoe!
- Ah, yes, yes P I heard you, of course, we can try it out and of course, we can plan a trip. Hey, but first the poetry slam in Wien? You promised. P, do you know Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox? I've listened the whole day to that playlist. Wait, I'll send you the link.
The sound he makes while breathing out the smoke of his, meanwhile, second cigarette triggers my imagination. Like every writer, I'm always seeking inspiration. But this time it was easy to create a plot. It's usually easy to write about true events. Much easier to speak about true feelings... Searching for the link to share and listen to his story about the man who sold him the canoe made me stop the illustrations in head and focus at him. Focus at this present moment and don't spoil the story with possible outcomes.
- Cool! I will check it out! V, like talking to you. Thanks that you picked up! Is there something else you want to share with me tonight? I'm listening. I'm here for you. I have all the time of this world.
A very loud and powerful YES echoes the walls of my heart. No, it's too early to make conclusions. Too early to ask "these questions", you know the ones which every girl wants to ask. These questions make the clean-cut in the further relationship between two confused souls. I decided not to this time! I'll stay distanced and patiently wait for the right window...
- Hm, I would have a whish maybe. But as you know currently impossible. Oooh, yes I do! What is your guilty pleasure movie? You know - a feel-good movie?
The impossible part was a whish for a hug, or just human contact, apart from my beloved book heroes. I can hear him think. The silly smile opens the coming answer at this spontaneous question.
- Huh, a very good question! I have to admit I am a Denzel Washington* fan, so every movie he starts in would be my choice. I can't help myself I am week for his bright smile... hahhhahhhahah...
- Hahahahah P...So, I don't have a chance with you...
- Hm, let me think about lowering my standards...Your smile qualifies you but too blond... Nooo, I will be a nice person and give you a chance to impress me. V you are crazy. Thank you for the first laugh today.
- The pleasure was mine. You didn't ask but my answer is always Notting Hill and the charming 90s' Hugh Grant, ah...
The dialogue continuous in its various ways and distributes deep and hidden thoughts more and more wrapped in the form of jokes and sarcastic remarks... Just how I like it! After an hour of exchanging "fun facts" on different topics, the flow took a warm turn...
- This was the highlight of my day V! This uncertainty is keeling me... And being alone, too. **
- P, we are never alone. Our mind is full of memories and experiences which helps us to project the possible plot of our future events and developments... But, still, I know what you feel. Have a nice rest of the evening... Sweet dreams about your movie crush... hihih...
- Wish you a wonderful evening too my V! And you are right, we aren't alone, we are alone together!
Hanging up my phone made me smile and picture the possible being alone together scene... Ah, the best phone-date ever...
P.S. I deliberately took out the fact that we are both currently witnessing a collective lockdown because of a pandemic. I don't want the whole conversation between two people to fall under the shadow of a world health crisis.
P.P.S. Any coincidence with actual events is desirable.
* or was it, Vin Diesel, have to shamefully admit can't recall
** this is what I interpreted like the subtext, no man would admit it out loud
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